Kolja, will you close your eyes now?
You know I never wanted you
In a saltless tear you saw this girl in me
so obsessed by the amber veins of nights
the vim of men and their broken haloes
How I laughed her heat at the cold blue sky.
And I don’t miss you, of course I don’t.

Except maybe at night, when I can’t sleep
I prevent the shape of you from blurring with dark
and move my hand on your throat, so small and white
your heart hammering there, your face delving in me.
Kolja will you close your eyes now?
You know I never wanted you.
And you don’t miss me, of course you don’t

Look my son, here it is, it was right here all the time,
the absinthe in your eyes, this green fire he has,
I used to love it, now it keeps me awake at night
and when I can’t sleep I rock your skull into my palm
drunk to his soapy ‘I would die for you,
I already died for you, I’ll die for you over and over’.
And I don’t miss it, of course I don’t.

Except maybe at dawn, when birds sing too madly
this girl in me rises, her blood snakes in the grass
spreading the smell of milk that seals your mouth,
this sweet laughter of yours we’ll never play with.
Kolja will you close your eyes now?
You know I never wanted you.
And I don’t miss you, of course I don’t.

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